So I started writing my story about how I got diagnosed and
what my life has been like having IH. I have to say that I really kind of
depressed myself; it’s not something I want to read about (I wanted to find some
Hemlock). I know what it’s like having IH and I am sure that the people that
have IH know what it’s like to have IH. I do not see that point of writing what
has been written before. Having IH has taught me many things about myself as a
person. It has taught me to laugh more and when I laugh to use a real laugh.
When I used to laugh before, I used to be embarrassed about how people used to
perceive me. Now I laugh using my real donkey laugh, because laughs are hard to
come by. When you live in pain you come to realize that any moment you have of
joy is an awesome moment.
When people used to say things like, “life is short” and “YOLO”
(okay I still cannot stand YOLO, what is that?), I used to smirk and think,
“What fools. That is so cliché.”
However now I realize life is short. Especially when you have something like
IH. I want to do things now because there is a chance that I may go blind.
Since I got diagnosed with IH, I have done things that I thought I would never
be brave enough to do. I started writing a book (I am on page 1), I dressed up
as a zombie for Comic-Con (I was a beautiful zombie), and I traveled around the
United States. The bravest thing that I have done was quit my job. This was
very brave for me because I am a Type A personality, I like my schedule and I like
having everything set. Having to admit that I needed to quit my job because of
my illness was very humbling for me, because I am a very independent person. It
took me a very long time to come to terms that I was never going to return to
my position at work. I also did not want to let IH win, but like John Lennon
says, “Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.” I
was making plans and I had not realized that I was living.
To me, the most important thing to remember is not to give
up the fundamentals of who you are. Sometimes it is hard to hold on to your
fundamentals when you have a chronic disease. Sometimes I really wanted and
want to give up. Living in pain is not fun (no duh). Sometimes I just want God
to take me away (like Calgon). However, I remember that I have so much love in
my life and happiness. Each night that I go to sleep I always have hope that
tomorrow will be better, that tomorrow will be pain free. I never give up hope.
It is the eternal candle that I have lit in my heart that will never
extinguish. No matter what obstacle comes along, I always believe that the next
one will be easier to overcome because I have hope. I guess that is the best
lesson IH has taught me: to become a perpetual optimist.
~ By Cynthia Rodriguez
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