Guest Post: In Memory of Kelly Collins, Love of My Life

Since this is Intracranial Hypertension Awareness Month, each day I'm dedicating my Facebook status update all day long to show bits of information about this horrible condition. This is Day #15.  Instead of showing a video diary or a bulk of information about Intracranial Hypertension or Epilepsy, I'm gonna show you guys something else on this day. Instead of that, I'm gonna show you how much I loved my girlfriend of 7 months, and then my wife of 12 years and 5 months. 

I started talking to Kelly Anne Belcher at the end of August in 1999. It was in the 90's 'room' on Yahoo! Chat. The only reason I started talking to her was because I loved the name, Kelly. Little known to me was that I was 'supposed' to be a girl and my mom was gonna name me (you got it lol), Kelly Anne. But anyway, I started talking to Kelly and we didn't know it at the time but her aunt who moved from KY to MD 10 years prior, had actually rented an apartment from my grandfather without us knowing that had even taken place. So, the fact that we met online, wasn't really viewed as an 'accident' to us after we found out that fact, lol. But anyway, Kelly told me of her seizures and her IH condition, but I had no idea what that really entailed. lol. 

We finally met on January 14, 2000 (my grandmother's birthday) and we INSTANTLY fell in love at first sight. After a few trips to come see her again, I moved to Kentucky for good on May 27, 2000. We were still 3 hours away from one another, so I put all my eggs in one basket and moved to her home town in October of that year.Kelly told me not to marry her because it was gonna be very complicated. I told her I wanted to be near her no matter what that meant. 

So, I proposed to her on her birthday, December 19th, 2000 before our church's evening service that night. I had already asked her parents, which they just wanted her to be happy. She accepted. YAY! YAY! YAY! lol. So, on March 31st, 2001 we were married at the church of Christ in Ashcamp, Kentucky. We spent our honeymoon down at Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. Everything was great. We went back there for our 2nd anniversary. Only this time she had been taken off of ALL her meds except for one. As I brought in our bags into the cabin, I glanced over to her on the phone talking to her mom, letting her know we made the trip safely. But something was wrong. The look in her eyes was 'distant', something was CLEARLY not right. I dropped the bags, and only through the grace of God, did I get to her before she dropped to the floor and had a full-on seizure. With her mom still on the phone, I hung up and called 911. It was my first education in what to do when a seizure happens. I called her mom back and all was okay.  Over the next 11 years, Kelly would have many seizures, some during her sleep. But I always tried to let her know that what was going on, was NOT her fault. But it hardly kept the depression, physical pain, medication side effects, dizzyness, self esteem problems at bay. I tried everything to lift her spirits. Flowers for no reason, constantly lifting up of her spirits, buying of gifts, etc. I tried it all, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. 

I loved that girl more than life itself.Towards the end, there was nothing to let me know it was almost over. I apparently made her laugh and smile and made her happy, as she'd tell me that so very often. I have a very self-depreciating sense of humor, and I used it to my benefit to make her laugh. Despite the nausea and the constant dizzyness and headaches, I somehow, was able to make Kelly laugh and smile. She made it clear that my support and constant attention to her was what made her life seem fulfilled and important.

Our last night together was so great. It was the Perseid meteor shower on August 11th, 2012. We had plans to come out at midnight and then again at 3am. It was SO bright. We saw so many shooting stars. I even commented that night, 'God, I can die now. I have seen your glory!' But, I had sprained my ankle around 130am and Kelly was feeling bad as well. So, we decided just to head in for the night. So, after our 'magical' night, at exactly 3:02am, we exchanged our 'I love you's' and laid down. And the I LOVE YOU's wasn't the normal kind. She said it like she really really meant it. Like she knew (I don't know if she did) that it was gonna be the very last time she'd tell me that she loved me. And I was content. All was right with the world.  And by 7am that next morning, she'd be gone. 

Her pain and suffering was gone. No more Topamax. No more Diamox or pain meds. No more NS appointments. No worrying about her shunt or if insurance was gonna cover her new meds. It was gone. And so was she.  Kelly had Intracranial Hypertension and Epilepsy since age 16, since she had a grand mal seizure in Long John Silvers in Pikeville, Kentucky. And subsequently was diagnosed with IH after an MRI and quickly thereafter was put under to have an LP shunt put in. 

I would give all my days, to this very hour, to spend just 1 more day with her. She was the sweetest person, lover and wife that I could ever imagine. So, this is meant as a testament to why and to how strong my commitment is to ALL current IH'ers out there. I've seen how tough it is and I will give my very last breath to helping you guys. Nothing but love, and nothing but the spirit of the fight. (((HUGS)))

By Scott Collins